What Now?

I saw the face of Jesus in a little orphan girl.
She was standing in the corner on the other side of the world.
And I heard the voice of Jesus gently whisper to my heart,
"Didn't you say you wanted to find me?
Well here I am, here you are.

"So, What now?
What will you do now that you found Me?
What now?
What will you do with this treasure you've found?
I know I may not look like what you expected,
But if you remember this is right where I said I would be.
You've found me,
What now?"...

What Now?, by Steven Curtis Chapman

(To hear this song, scroll down to the end of this post and press the play button)

Six weeks ago, our family was asked, "What Now?", and since that time, we have been seeking an answer to that question.

On June 20th, our adoption agency posted on their website the faces of 20 "waiting children" in need of their forever homes. Every quarter or so, our agency receives a new list of children from China with special needs, and we (like most adoptive families) always look forward to seeing their sweet faces and watching as they are joined with their forever families.

This day, Brittany, Brant, and I were all at the computer to see this latest group of children. The first ones we saw were adorable baby girls. I perused passed their sweet faces, but then my heart skipped a beat as my eyes caught the face of an older boy in the next row. I clicked on his picture to find out more about him and was greeted by four more pictures of this adorable little guy.

Brittany immediately said, "Oh, Mom. He's so cute. What is his special need?"

Quickly reading aloud his special need and other information, I was interrupted by, "Oh my goodness, Mom! That is just like the book I'm writing...", and Brittany proceeded to tell me all about this book based on our family. This family goes to China to adopt a baby girl and sees an older girl named Hao Shan with this same special need. They decide to adopt both the baby girl and the older special need child.

(China's rules and regulations do not allow me to specify his special need nor post his picture at this time.)

I start to feel myself shaking a little as I read more carefully the very limited information given about him:

This little boy is almost 7 years old...He is lively, energetic and fast! He has a ready smile and likes to play with the other children.

I remember reading this and then looking down at all his sweet pictures. Oh yes, he sure does look "lively, energetic, and fast!", and there is no doubt about that "ready smile". I felt my heart melt for this little guy without a home and family. What Now?

I spent all the free time I had that afternoon and night researching his particular special need, homeschooling/adopting a child with this need, adopting an older child, etc. Late that night, I saw a message on our agency's yahoogroup from someone who was advocating for this little guy, hoping he'd find his family. Another lady responded, saying she had seen him on Harrah's waiting child list back in the fall of 2006. No one adopted him, so his file was sent back to China, who sent it to our agency, giving him another chance at a family.

Armed with this information, I launched a quest to find out more about him from Harrah. I went to a huge adoption yahoogroup and did a search for "Harrah waiting child (special need) boy". The first thing that popped up was a description of a boy named Hao with a special need that sounded very similar to the little guy on our agency's waiting child list. Oh my goodness...Hao?!? Wasn't that the name of the little one in Brittany's story? There was no picture nor birthdate with this new information, but I just knew this was the same little guy.

I noticed "Hao's" special need was more specifically identified in Harrah's information, so I next did a google search for this more specific need. The first site that came up was a world-renowned center for treating children with his condition. This site is extremely informative, and I spent a long time there learning more about his special need, it's treatment, etc. I found out that only a handful of doctors around the country are able to reputably repair his condition, the doctor whose website I was reading being one of those few. After all my reading at this site, I wondered if this doctor would be available to answer any questions we might have, so I clicked "Contact Us". Can you guess where this "world-renowned center" just happens to be? Yep...San Antonio, Texas...a short 7 miles from my house! I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I started to sob. What Now?

O-kay...now I really needed to find out if this "Hao" was the same little guy on our agency's waiting child list. One last google search gave me my answer. I don't remember exactly what I googled, but it was likely something like what I had searched for on the adoption yahoogroup. After sifting through numerous search responses, I found a "Hao" on yet another special needs adoption site. This time "Hao" had a picture attached, and sure enough, the little boy who was capturing my heart was named Hao! His description was much the same as Harrah's description with this added: "We think that a loving and active family with a daddy who likes to play ball would be great for this special little guy!"

The next evening, Max and I went running, and I told him about Hao and about all of the "coincidences". Earlier that day, some fears and "am I crazy" thoughts had started to trickle in, so I was surprised when he really listened and responded positively. After our run, I showed him Hao's pictures, and he asked a lot of questions. He said that he'd be open to reviewing Hao's file, with the understanding that reviewing a file was not a commitment to adopt. So, we submitted a request to review his file, but would have to wait until June 26th (my b-day) to find out if we were selected.

Soon after this, the fears and "what ifs" started streaming in. I began to pray that if this was not God's will, He'd start to close the doors that all seemed to be opening. I asked Him specifically to close the door on our file request if this was not part of His plan for our family or for Hao.

June 26th came, and our agency posted on the yahoogroup that only one family had requested to review Hao's file. Assuming it was us, I got excited at the thought that another door was opening. However, the hours crept slowly and without a call from our agency telling us we would be able to review his file. My heart sank as I read on the yahoogroup that our agency had called all the families that were chosen to review the waiting children's files. Did they lose our request form? Had they never received it? Did I somehow make a mistake when sending it? Who was the one family that submitted a request if not us? Admittedly, I was crushed. I had asked for a closed door, but I found out I wasn't ready for one.

Because it was my birthday, some sweet friends stopped over with gifts. I had already asked both of them for their prayers, and when I gave them a quick update, they both said that they, too, had been praying for open and closed doors. One of them encouraged me by saying that God can reopen a closed door. Shortly after that statement, the phone rang. It was our agency telling me that they were sorry, but in the chaos of the day, they had forgotten to call us to tell us we were selected to review Hao's file!

A few days later, Max and I went on a date and discussed Hao the entire night. We talked about worse case scenarios and agreed that we would be willing to handle any of them. We seemed to have come to a "yes" decision, but out of nowhere, the fears started to flood in.

For the next several weeks, we allowed God's "What Now?" to be drowned out by our "What ifs?" God faithfully continued to hold the door open, but we faithlessly were too fearful to walk through it and wanted to feel total peace before doing so. I was relaying some of these feelings to a friend of mine, when she replied that each of her five adoptions were done out of obedience and "in fear, by faith". Wow...those words spoke clearly to my heart and helped turn my focus off of my "What ifs?" and back onto God's "What Now?"

So...What Now?:
*We have chosen to be obedient to God's obvious leading.
*We will walk through the open doors by faith and not by sight.
*We will trust Him with all of our fears.
*We believe "this is right where (He) said (He) would be" and can't wait to find more of Him through this journey to our new son, Hao!
(Br- name to be announced later)

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Still Feels Good Tour Sweeps the Court

**Concert Review by RF's #1 teenage fan in this family (well, RF's only teenage fan in this family)**

A steady stream of people flooded the AT&T Center, which usually serves as a home building for the San Antonio Spurs or the San Antonio Rampage (a hockey team). But neither teams were present. No court was on the floor, and neither was ice.

I attempted to snuggle into my seat in nosebleed section 202, row 10. At first the sheer height and steepness of where we were made me nervous and dizzy. For thirty minutes, Mom, Brant, and I waited, chatted, took pictures on Mom's cell, and watched the stage.

Finally, the lights went out. A rowdy cheer erupted from the crowd. The Still Feels Good concert was on!

Guitars began to blare and twang as Jason Aldean, opening singer and country star with inclining popularity, began his part of the show. People cheered heartily as his modern hits such as Johnny Cash, Hicktown, Amarillo Sky, and Why rolled by. Soon enough, people discovered that he not only sang great, but was extra generous in hand shakes. The audience began to flock to the stage in hope of getting one.

Not too soon, Jason left the stage. By now, the Pit was pretty full, probably largely due to the text messages that you could send to enter for your chance to win a pass into it, and thereby getting an almost on-stage experience.

The lights went out again. By this time, the crowd was more than ready, and they didn't fail to welcome the stars with the screaming and applause that ensued. And the stars were......Rascal Flatts!!!

An orange light and smoke began to emmit from behind the staircase that led to another section of the stage. While we ooed and aaahhhed over this, the violinist came on stage, along with some guitarists.

"Here they come," I whispered amidst the screams and applause.

The whole stage suddenly illuminated and flashed in white and other minute colors. Needless to say, we were awed and excited.

The introduction to the song Me and My Gang played. But no one on the main stage was singing!

"Look, they're down there!" Mom said, pointing.

Brant and I followed her finger. She wasn't pointing to the main stage, but to a smaller, circular stage more towards the back of the room that earlier appeared to be nothing but part of the sound system. And on top of it, were the band members themselves! The guitarists and violinists on the main stage were performers, but were also decoys to lure the eye to the wrong place!

Mom had also had a hunch that the three Rascal leads were going to come out that way because earlier she had seen men rolling in big boxes that appeared to be sound equipment. Now we're not completely sure, but we believe that the trio were in the boxes!

I rose to my feet, singing along to the tune that I knew and loved so well (Me and My Gang). Hands raised up in the air as lead singer Gary LeVox sang, "Raise up your hands if you all wanna hang with me and my gang."

The band made their way onto the main stage by a bridge that was raised up when not needed. They continued by delivering hit after smashing hit. Gary's voice, which has a very large range, tends to err on the high side, but with a uniquely tomboyish tinge, was complimented skillfully by the startling talent of his two backups and their guitars (really, they could probably make it by themselves). Just some of the songs performed were These Days, Bless the Broken Road, Backwards, Feels Like Today, My Wish, I Melt, and Pieces, the last of which the two backups sang by themselves. Upon being asked which song they would like to hear, the audience yelled back "Mayberry! Mayberry!" So, upon command, the band performed the song perfectly.

In addition to this, the lights were amazing. They took on different shapes and were constantly changing colors. After one song, green lasers criss-crossed and were held in the air for a moment before vanishing. During Backwards, the stage was littered in red, blue, and white stars. When they played music videos, the floor of the main stage was so shiny that the whole platform looked like it was one big screen.

After nearly two hours of songs and anecdotes, the band ascended the staircase and walked onto a part of the stage that lowered them down. I was disappointed. They hadn't sung Here's to You, the song that I wanted to hear the most. Neither had they sung Life is a Highway, their most popular song.

The lights came back up. People began to leave. Then the lights went out again. A blue light shone onto the drummer, who had remained on stage. He gave us a few upbeat rhythms that allowed him to show us his skill. The whole time, I was going, "Okay, are they coming out again or not?"

Bright red and white lights suddenly blared onto the platform. Guitars twanged. Gary's voice came on again (he was back on the circular stage!). He began to satisfy the silent cries for encore with none other than Here's to You, a song that thanks the fans for being fans! It also has a fast-paced, fun beat where the guitars and drums match perfectly.

They ended with Life is a Highway, which credits much of its popularity to the motion-picture Cars (yeah, they're the ones who sing that!). The whole crowd stood and sang good an' loud. The whole building rang with it! I'm sure that we could be heard for miles.

Somewhere in the middle of the song, Gary got out to mingle with the people nearest the stage. Once he said something like "This is to all you guys there in the back!" and then continued with the next line, which was "There was a distance between you and I. A misunderstanding once, but now, we look it in the eye."

I was sad when it ended. I was having a good time, and I wasn't ready for it to stop. But, Dad was waiting for us when we got home, and, as usual, I was eager to relay all to him.

In short, even though we couldn't see all that well, it was a great evening and "kid's date" (as I called this evening out with Brant and Mom). I can't wait for my next concert and hope that Rascal Flatts will come back to San Antonio again.

I hope that you'll stay here and listen to a few songs. They sang these at the concert. Enjoy!

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"Hoppy" Birthday, Brielle!

Brielle turned 2 on Tuesday! Our baby is getting to be such a big girl!

Because Brielle loves bunnies and affectionately refers to them as "hoppies", Brittany suggested we have a "Hoppy" Birthday theme. Great idea, Britt! Of course, the making of the old traditional bunny cake was in order (I think I remember my mom making this same cake for my sister, Michele's, birthday which fell around Easter time...did I dream that, Mom, or did that really happen?).

The night before their birthdays, I always decorate the kids' bedroom doors while they are sleeping. Brielle was squealing with delight when Brittany, Brant, and I opened her door in the morning, singing the happy birthday song, and revealing the crepe paper, balloons, and "Hoppy Birthday" sign adorning her door. I really think she would've been completely satisfied if that was all we did for her birthday. She kept running in and out of the crepe paper hanging in her doorway, repeatedly saying "hoppy", "hoppy". It was definitely apparent that she knew it was her special day!

Thanks so much to everyone who sent cards, gifts, and money. We used her birthday money to buy her first little trike, a play "market" (complete with food, cash register, shopping basket, etc.), a stroller for her baby, and a huge play-doh set. It looked more like Christmas at our house than a birthday, but we really haven't bought her any of those bigger items until now. Everything was truly a hit with her. She has played and played with all of her new things! The big kids and I are also having so much fun playing with the new play-doh gadgets, playing store, decorating her pretend b-day cake, taking her baby for a walk, and reading new books to her. Brant has broken in Brielle's trike with his numerous trips around the house. It is quite funny, and I wanted to post a picture of him with those long legs pedalling that little bike, but he'd kill me for it! Oh, the benefits of having a little sister!

Happy Birthday, sweet Brielle ~
Our lives are so much richer because of you!!

Family Date!

One of the great joys of having a teenager and a pre-teenager is they serve as built-in babysitters for their busy baby sister. Max and I have begun to take advantage of this and plan a "date night" for just the two of us every other weekend. From the outside, our dates likely look pretty boring (dinner, a walk, a trip to Starbucks), but I sooo look forward to these nights and often look back on them with a smile once they've passed.

Last weekend, Max and I went out on Saturday night, and then on Sunday, we decided to plan a surprise "Family Date" for the kids. There is so much to do in this area, and we decided to surprise them with something we hadn't done yet. So, we took them to Natural Bridge Caverns and Natural Bridge Wildlife Park. The caverns were nice, but probably would've seemed much nicer had we not just visited Carlsbad Caverns. The Wildlife Park was definitely everyone's favorite. It is one of those drive-through parks, where the animals roam free. We've been to these types of parks on vacations, so I was a little skeptical of the ads I'd seen and had set my expectations low. Usually the animals in these places are just laying down behind some tree, outside of camera range. Not so in this park! As you'll see, we had a whole zoo checkin' out the inside of our vehicle! It was a lot of fun and definitely accomplished the goal of our Family Date as new experiences were shared and new memories created.

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The Busy Days of Summer

I can't believe it is July already!

We finished school a few weeks ago, but somehow we still manage to stay soooo busy. We have had several groups of friends over for "pool parties", been to Six Flags a handful of times, and enjoyed several days of Max being off of work. Brant is still playing hockey throughout the summer, and Brittany is involved in a weekly group discussion of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. Both kids are also attending a weekly Drama Club with our homeschool group. It is during summers like this that I wonder how we ever manage to fit school into our lives!

What has Brielle been up to???

Last weekend, a friend from Wisconsin was here in Texas for a wedding. We met her and her mom on the Riverwalk and had a great time catching up on all that has happened over the past year and a half. Come back soon, Diane!

Can you guess which one of us lives in WI and which lives in TX??





Max had the first part of this week off, so we decided to spend one morning at the zoo. It turned out to be a relatively cool, overcast day...just perfect for a trip to the zoo!

Lastly, here are some recent pictures of Brielle that are just too cute not to share!

Happy 16th Anniversary, Max!!

Looking back to the day I married you, I realize that we were both rather naïve and probably didn’t fully comprehend the enormity of what we were committing to. We long-distance-dated for just under a year before you proposed and were married six short months after that. Did we really even know each other? We just knew that we were “madly in love” and wanted “to spend the rest of our lives together”.

Kind of scary, actually…but thank God that He knew there was more to us then starry-eyed infatuation. There is no doubt in my mind that He led us to one another and crafted each of us to be perfect soul-mate for the other. I am overwhelmed with gratitude to Him for giving me YOU!

Things I didn’t know 16 years ago:

*I was marrying someone who’d become my very best friend
*You’d inspire me to become a better person
*I’d cherish our talking “dates” on the couch
*I was getting a great running partner
*My heart would be held and so protected
*Each day, I’d be counting the hours until you came home from work
*You’d be the bright, shining spot in my day
*You'd much rather spend time with me and the kids than watch t.v.
*You’d keep such a great looking yard
*You’d value having a wife who is a full-time mom and homemaker
*I’d be showered with so much love, both in words and in actions
*You’d be such a family man
*You’d invest so much time in our children
*You’d open your heart and our home to our sweet Brielle
*You’d be such a stabilizing force in our family
*I’d want to spend my time with you more than anyone else in the world
*I would look forward to your daily phone call over lunch
*We’d have so much fun together
*You’d make me laugh so much
*How kind, patient, and slow-to-anger you are
*I'd be so much more in love with you 16 years down the road!

Looking forward to holding your hand through the rest of life's journey!

Happy Father's Day!

(One day late...just like my card)

Dad ~

Thanks for:

*teaching me to be disciplined
*modeling and passing on a great sense of humor
*always being there for every event I ever participated in
*your tender, loving side
*the countless hours of shooting hoops at Trinity school
*being my first running partner, and
*still running with me
*your fun energetic personality
*sharing warm cups of coffee and conversation

I love you, Dad!

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Happy Father's Day to you, Max!



Thanks for:

*putting our kids and our marriage first
*coming home at 5:00, even though you have enough work to keep you there all night
*joyfully and willingly spending your free time with the kids and me
*being a fun dad!
*your wise fatherly counsel
*appreciating(and often reminding me of) the value of full-time motherhood
*providing a stable home in which our children can thrive
*modeling a positive, non-complaining attitude in all situations

I am so blessed to be sharing this journey of parenthood with you!
I love you!!!

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Comfort Food

My sister, Cindy, "tagged" me with the request of sharing the recipe for my favorite comfort food. This probably sounds silly, but I love pumpkin...pumpkin pie, pumpkin muffins (last fall, I sooo badly missed the pumpkin and cream cheese muffins from Little Farmer pumpkin farm in WI), pumpkin pie Blizzards from DQ - pumpkin anything and anytime of the year! I actually crave it quite often. Knowing this, I always have a can of pumpkin on hand so that when I crave the comforting taste of a pumpkin-filled carb, I quickly whip up this recipe for Pumpkin Bread:


Pumpkin Bread - this makes 2 loaves

4 eggs
1 cup oil (I often use applesauce)
3 1/2 cups flour
3 cups sugar
2/3 cup water
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cloves
1 1/2 tsp salt
2 cups pumpkin

Beat all ingredients in a large bowl. Pour into 2 large greased bread pans.
Bake at 325 degrees for 90 minutes.




I love eating a slice or two right out of the oven, accompanied by my favorite comfort drink ~ a hot mug of Starbucks' House Blend coffee.

It doesn't get much better than this!

Hurry back, Mom and Dad...I'm having caffeine withdrawals!

I'm sneaking in a belated post about my Mom and Dad's visit a few weeks ago...
We had such a great time! As I've said before, my parents are so very active, and we always love being on the go with them.

Their visit included a 5-mile hike at Government Canyon State Park, where the cacti and wildflowers were in full-bloom. Next came a trip to Sea World, Missions National Park, a few dips in the pool, multiple trips to Starbucks, and way-too-much going out to eat.

What a blessing it is to share such sweet memories of times with my parents! Thanks, Mom and Dad, for showing us such a good time : 0)!

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My Ambition

Just before we moved to Texas, a dear friend from Wisconsin gave me Elizabeth Prentiss', The Little Preacher. Simple and unassuming at first glance, this easy read, written in 1867, is full of little nuggets of truth and conviction (as is Prentiss' more well known, Stepping Heavenward...a must read as well).

As I read through The Little Preacher, I started an index card of quotes from the text. My favorite is one I frequently pull out and read, as it truly is my ambition as well :

"As for her, like most women, she had but one ambition. To be a good
wife and a good mother, and to be beloved by her husband and children, was all
she asked. What she was in the old home, that she was in the new; a busy,
affectionate, cheerful little housewife, whose voice would never be heard in the
streets, but whose memory would always live in a few faithful hearts."

You can order a copy of The Little Preacher, Stepping Heavenward, and many other great books at: http://www.graceandtruthbooks.com/

"B" Keeping

I've decided to try my hand at blogging. I can't guarantee I'll be very good at it. Turns out I'm a lousy updater of our website, so don't hold your breath for much more here!

Over the last few days, I've been thinking about what to name my blog (as if I have nothing better to think about). One of my very favorite things to do is to read-aloud to my kids. Yes, I still read-aloud to my 14 and 12 yo "big kids"! Together, over the years, we have visited so many places, shared so many laughs, shed some tears, met innumerable memorable characters, learned so many of life's lessons, all through the reading-aloud of great books! Someday, as I look back on my years of mothering, I'm confident that these read-aloud times will be among the memories I cherish most.

O.K. - back to the naming of my blog...

Our current read-aloud is Gene Stratton-Porter's book, Freckles. If you are familiar with Stratton-Porter, you know that she was a lover of nature, and her love and knowledge of nature pours out through her text. If you are familiar with me, you know that I, too, am a nature lover, and that one of my other very favorite things to do is to take "nature walks" with my family; nothing is more rejuvenating to my soul!

We are almost finished with Freckles, so this morning I was pondering what we should next read-aloud. Stratton-Porter's, The Keeper of the Bees came to mind, as this is Max's favorite novel. Just as soon as the title of this book popped into my head, I thought, "that's it"! Keeper of the B's...that sounds a lot like my life (as full-time mom to Brittany, Brant, and Brielle)! As you can imagine, the analogies started filling my head.

So, here it is...my blog..."Keeper of the B's"