May 9th, 2006...

Without a doubt, one of the most amazing moments of my life.

Being handed for the very first time the sweet child you've prayed for, L O N G E D for, ached for, shed countless tears for...there are no words for that moment.

It has been THREE years since my hands first held that which my heart had already held for SO long. Unbelievable! What a priceless gift we have been given.

May 9th, 2009...Look at her NOW!!...

Little Miss Brielle ~ You are the gift that keeps us smiling, brings us unspeakable joy, and allows us to relive life one more time through the eyes of a sweet child. I thank God everyday for giving us YOU!

Forever Family Day Swim!

Time to celebrate!

A gift from China for our gift from China!

A New Way to Help Orphans: Running Hope

I am sooooo excited about this new opportunity to help orphans, and especially excited how it came at the PERFECT time for our family!

Last Sunday (February 1st), Max and I were out for one of our treasured runs together. We were discussing how we really wanted our kids to get more involved in extracurriculars/serving others and were brainstorming on how that could best be done with the unique talents/interests of our family. My thoughts trailed off, and I began to wonder if there could possibly be a way we could meet this goal through running. Seemed crazy, and I was just about to dismiss it, when Max spoke up and said that running could be a great venue for us to pursue with Brant (who runs with us during the off-season of hockey).

Oh my goodness...all of a sudden I was so excited, and my mind began to fill with ideas. Right away I said, "We could get sponsors and run races for a cause!" Of course the cause that is near and dear to our hearts is adoption, so we began to talk about running for orphans. I began to picture designing matching running shirts and imagined how amazing it would feel to run each mile for those who are fatherless. Truthfully, I didn't know about any organized adoption charities that had running sponsorship programs, but I planned on checking it out online and getting in touch with Steven and Mary Beth Chapman's Shaohannah's Hope to see if we could work out something with them.

A few busy days passed before I could sit down and research "running for orphans", but when I goggled those words, I was elated to find a link to Running Hope, a new branch of ministry for Shaohannah's Hope, just announced at the end of January (and complete with matching running t-shirts)!

If you run or walk, you can now do so on behalf of orphans through an established, amazing ministry! If you are not interested in the physical feat, you are more than welcome to sponser us as we race for orphans :o)!

Here is a description of Running Hope found on SCC's Manager's blog:

A New Way to Help Orphans:
Just announced last week by Shaohannah's Hope and an amazing friend to the Chapmans, Tony Amburgy. A new way to try to keep that New Year's resolution that you might have fallen off on perhaps? Not that I would know about such a thing. Here's an excerpt from the press release.

Show Hope, the ministry of Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman dedicated to helping families overcome financial barriers associated with adoption as well as raise awareness about the worldwide plight of orphans, is honored to announce their partnership with Running Hope. Running Hope is an organization with a mission to utilize running and walking events to generate awareness and resources to support charitable organizations across the nation, working to make a difference for the 133 million orphans around the world.

"While we find our nation in widespread economic unrest, this exclusive strategic partnership gives individuals, both runners and walkers, a chance to do something significant with their time and energy for orphans," explains Scott Hasenbalg, Executive Director of Shaohannah's Hope. "There is something for everyone in this program."

Running Hope is based in Atlanta and was founded by Tony and Marilyn Amburgy who were inspired to run for the world's orphans after attending a Shaohannah's Hope benefit in 2006. New to running at the time, Tony Amburgy learned many people participate in walking and running events to raise financial support and awareness for specific causes and charities. Amburgy began to consider running for a purpose, feeling called to support orphan causes. Partnering with Shaohannah's Hope, Running Hope was born.

Multiple Blessings from China!

(photos compliments of my sister, Cindy, whose camera is MUCH better than mine...thanks, Cindy!)

Aren't they precious?

It really wasn't until I got home from our visit to TN and loaded my pictures into the computer that it really sunk in just how COOL it is that our family has been blessed with FOUR sweet Chinese children. To be honest, the reality of it brought me to tears. I am so humbled that our family was chosen to reach across the ocean to hold the hands and hearts of four of God's precious children born in China. God has a perfect plan for each of our lives, and I can't help but stand in awe and wonder of how He is orchestrating the lives of these precious, once fatherless, little ones. I can't help but wonder what great things He has in store for them...and for the country of their birth.

China Journey Blog

I've set-up a separate blog to journal about our trip to Brock Ji Hao. Click on the title of this post ("China Journey Blog") to get to it. I'm going to do my best to update daily with pictures and commentary.

Hope you join us!

Three More Days!!!!!

We leave for China in THREE MORE DAYS!!

YIKES. YIKES. YIKES.

We are very excited, but unfortunately the dominant emotion that is emerging right now is P.A.N.I.C. (is panic an emotion? IDK and IDC - text talk in a moment of stress). Soooo many things to do as the time is quickly ticking away!


O-kay...I just took a deep breath, and now I hope to calmly say a HUGE, completely sincere and heartfelt...

THANK YOU ...

to my precious Mom and my dear sister, Cindy, who tomorrow will be filling up the tank of Cindy's van with liquid gold and driving 12-13 long hours to our home in Texas to care for our smallest treasure, Brielle.

Last summer, when I told Cindy and my Mom that we were adopting again, they both immediately volunteered to do whatever I needed them to do - namely, take care of Brielle while we were in China. Then, thinking it was best for Brielle, they suggested coming HERE so that Brielle would be in familiar surroundings! I am completely humbled and feel so blessed to have such a wonderful family! It's definitely going to be rough leaving Brielle, but I KNOW she will be well loved and cared for. Also, she'll get to spend a lot of time playing with her cousins!

I love you, Mom, Cindy, Megan, Miyah, and Mei Lin!

I can't wait to see you here in Texas!

Countdown to China!

TEN more days and we are off to China!!!!

Wow, that sounds unbelievable! Especially because, as if today were just like any other Sunday afternoon, I spent all day preparing for our week of school. Maybe I should've been finishing my shopping, packing, list making, etc., instead!?!? Maybe I should be taking the week of school off to shop, pack, make lists, etc. However, being that I am both a perfectionist when it comes to school and a procrastinator in almost everything (I work best under pressure -- I hope), I plan to carry on with school as if it is any other week...at least that is the plan for now...if I start to freak out mid-week, I think I'll give myself permission to call it quits until we return from China.

I've updated my "Travel Approval" post to show our confirmed travel schedule, which is almost identical to the first schedule I listed. It looks like we will meet Brock Ji Hao on Sunday, June 15th...Father's Day!! That is just FOURTEEN days from now (really thirteen, considering it is Monday already in China) :o)!!!

Max will meet his second son AND a precious almost-eight-year-old boy will meet his forever father on Father's Day -- no doubt our Father in heaven will be there, too, watching and holding us in His hand as His plan for the merging of all of our lives unfolds.

Travel Approval!

Sorry about not updating you all for so long on our adoption progress. I was going to sit down last Wednesday night and give a not-so-upbeat update on our no-where-in-sight Travel Approval, but news of the Chapman's tragedy that night quickly changed my perspective on things (all things). How could I be so anxious and upset about the trivial matter of when we will travel when they had just lost one of their precious treasures from China and would never see her again this side of heaven? How could I not trust the Lord in my small matter, when the Chapmans were being asked to trust Him in such a HUGE, incomprehensible way? Immediately, upon hearing about little Maria's death, much more than grief swept over me. I also felt convicted. So, I gave my now seemingly trivial matter completely over to the Lord, and began praying, praying, praying for this very heartbroken family.

Coincidently, we found out on Friday that our Travel Approval had been mailed from China on Wednesday. It arrived today at our agency's office in St. Louis. With Travel Approval in hand, our agency requested our appointment with the American Consulate in Guangzhou, and should hear from them in the next few days. Once we have the confirmed Consulate appointment, we are ready to book flights and pack like crazy! It looks like we might just be bringing our son home before the Olympics :o)!!!

Here is our confirmed schedule (updated June 1st, 2008):

Wednesday, June 11th: Leave San Antonio at 8:47 a.m. and fly to Shanghai!

Thursday, June 12th: Arrive in Shanghai at 8:50 p.m.(red dot on map on right)

Friday, June 13th: Tour Shanghai - We are so excited about this, as Max really wanted to do this on our first trip to China.

Saturday, June 14th: Take train from Shanghai to Nanjing (we have to meet our son in the provincial capital, which is Nanjing; yellow dot on map)

Sunday, June 15th: Meet Brock Ji Hao!!!!!

Monday, June 16: Begin adoption process (registration and notary)... our new son officially becomes Brock Ji Hao Goodrich

Tuesday, June 17: Free day in Nanjing

Wednesday, June 18: Free day or sightseeing in Nanjing

Thursday, June 19: Free day or sightseeing in Nanjing

Friday, June 20: Receive all Brock Ji Hao's paperwork and complete forms with CHI coordinator for American Consulate appointment

Saturday, June 21: Fly to Guangzhou (red dot on dark gray map)

Sunday, June 22: Free day in Guangzhou (start shopping, of course)

Monday, June 23: Medical examination for Brock Ji Hao

Tuesday, June 24: Possible choice for American Consulate appointment

Wednesday, June 25: Go to Consulate late in the day and get your Brock Ji Hao's visa

Thursday, June 26: Return home (and smother Brielle with kisses)

Thanks for your prayers!

Update!

I confess...I've been checking my e-mail a gazillion times a day just hoping for some news about our potential travel dates, updates on our son, Travel Approvals for several internet friends who are waiting on it (not to mention our TA), etc.

After checking for the 58th time this morning, I was finally rewarded with an e-mail from our agency titled "Xi JiHao". My heart quickened as I clicked to open the e-mail and was greeted with this news:

Good Morning Max and Tracy -

Below are updated measurements for your son, and attached are updated photos of him - he's a handsome boy!!!

Enjoy these and have a terrific day!

Xi Jihao:

height 122.5cm (48.2 inches)

weight 21kg (46.3 pounds)

head size 51.5cm (20.3 inches)

chest size 59.5cm (23.4 inches)

feet length 18.5cm (7.3 inches)

teeth 23

Are you thinking what I'm thinking???? Now that we have his current measurements...IT'S TIME TO SHOP...shoes, little boy shirts, little boy pants, little boy shorts, ball caps, swimsuit, pjs, undies, etc.!!! What could possibly be more fun (and more therapeutic) at this time???

O-kay...maybe studying his sweet new pictures is just as fun (and just as therapeutic). Doesn't he look more grown up?

We can NOT WAIT to meet you, our precious little man!

One BIG Step Closer!!

YES!!!!!

This morning, after 84 (LONG) days, we finally got the call that our Seeking Confirmation Letter (SCL) had arrived at our agency's St. Louis office!! The SCL is our "official referral" of little Xi Ji Hao, and the necessary NEXT STEP in getting to China to meet our son.

Just had to again include this picture because it is so irresistible, and because I can NOT contain my excitement!!! This little guy is OUR SON! I can NOT wait to scoop him up and kiss his sweet face. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself that he will be almost 8 years old when we first meet, so scooping and kissing might not be the best approach. Coupled with my gesticulative manner (not to mention protruding Caucasian nose), I just might be a little overwhelming (can any of you imagine that????)!

Anyway...back to the steps necessary before all the scooping/kissing can occur...

Our agency is going to overnight our SCL and other necessary paperwork. When we get it, we'll need to sign our name in a few places and then overnight it back to them.

Our signed SCL will be returned to China, and then we once again W A I T for China to issue us Travel Approval (permission to travel to China). This has been taking 2-3 weeks.

Once we receive Travel Approval, our agency finalizes all arrangements in China, we book our international flights, apply for our Visas, and PACK LIKE CRAZY!

Better go camp out and wait for the UPS man to arrive ...

One Day Closer

We are on wait day 80 from LID to SCL.

Although our agency told us not to expect to hear anything "for at least" 3 months, I guess I really did expect to get our SCL before 3 months. I am starting to get antsy and uneasy, especially in the face of rumors that, due to the Olympics, China will not be issuing travel approvals r/t adoption in June, July, and August. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Our agency has not heard that there will be a halt in travel all summer, but I can't imagine the Olympics NOT effecting adoption travel in some way. For sure, it will become more and more expensive to travel to and then to stay in China the closer we get to August.

I honestly can not imagine having to wait until September or later to bring our son home. Especially knowing that his very best buddy has already gone home. Adoption can drive a person absolutely CRAZY! It's ironic...one of the requirements to adopt from China is that you can not be taking any psych med (no antidepressant, antianxiety meds, etc.). So, of course, you send off your paperwork all happy, hopeful, and med-free ... BUT, by the time you WAIT out all the emotional twists and turns and FINALLY hold your child, you just might be on every psych med on the market!!! Hmmm...maybe drug testing on adoption day would be a good idea :0)

Thankfully, more numerous than my ansty, uneasy, and insane moments, are the the moments when there truly is NO doubt in my mind that God has ALL the details worked out, just like He always has. When I think back on all the detailed "coincidences" that led us to KNOW that Hao was OUR son, and how I have been "coincidentally" corresponding with Hao's best friend's parents, how can I doubt that He is in EVERY detail surrounding Hao's homecoming? No - it might not be easy to have absolutely no control over when we'll finally all be together (as a matter of fact, there are moments it feels downright unfair, sad, frustrating, crushing, nerve wracking, and torturous), but - the God of all the universe is such a better planner, organizer, and orchestrator of the details than I could ever be!

SO...instead of thinking about how many days we've waited,

I'm going to try to think of each passing day

as one day closer to our son.

*just so you know, I'm already anticipating the need for some daily accountability on this positive outlook :o)*

Finally Coming Home...

Some friends I've met online are leaving for China this Thursday to FINALLY meet their beautiful 8 year old son. This little man has grown up in the same orphanage (Wuxi SWI) as our son, so we are assuming they know each other well. If they happen to cross your mind this week, please pray for Jim, Marilyn, and their new son, Joseph.

Jim and Marilyn plan to spend one night in Wuxi and will be visiting the SWI (orphanage). They have a picture of our son, Hao, and are going to try to check in on him and potentially get a few pictures. I'm trying NOT to get my hopes up, but it would be so very wonderful to have an update on him!

I'll try to keep you posted on Joseph's homecoming and any Hao updates!

DTC, LID, and other Adoption Acronyms

Finally!!!!!

Our dossier is in China!

Our dossier went to China (DTC) on January 18th, 2008, and yesterday we found out that it was logged in (LID) at the China Center of Adoption Affairs (CCAA) on January 28th, 2008. FINALLY!!!!! With Brielle's adoption, we were DTC just shy of three months from the day we began paperchasing. This time around, it took TWO extra months to get through immigration (and to get our I-171H), and so we are approaching five months since we began the paperwork to bring home our little boy. Needless to say, we are very excited that our paperwork is finally in the hands of the CCAA!!

So, what does this mean? Well, we are told it will be at least three months before we hear anything from the CCAA. We are now waiting for the CCAA to review and approve our dossier, then send us the Seeking Confirmation Letter (SCL), which is the official "referral" of our son. We will need to sign this letter, stating that we do indeed wish to adopt him, and send it back to the CCAA. Then, we'll wait for them to issue us Travel Approval (TA), our agency will schedule our appointment at the US Consulate in Guangzhou, China, and we'll book flights and get packing! TA and travel usually occur about two months after the SCL is received.

The special needs children adoption route is faster, but less predictable than the non-special needs adoptions. So, all waiting times are only estimates. That being said, our best guess-timate for meeting our little guy is sometime in June (oh my goodness...can I wait that long?). Again, this is only a guess, and we are, of course, holding on to hope for a record-breaking fast SCL!

When you are adopting an older child, you are allowed to send them a little package. We were told we were limited to "a beanie baby size toy no larger than your hand". Thank you God for making Max's hands so large :o)! We thought and thought about what one toy would be the perfect one to send to our little son whom we've never met. Think about that...that's a tough one. Then, I read that a family from our agency sent their older daughter a little purse full of fun girly things. Perfect! Just the idea I was looking for! So, with Max's hand spread wide open, we found a little pack just the right size and filled it with all sorts of little boy things...a ball, yo-yo, slinky, flashlight, puzzle, Hot Wheel cars, stickers, and even a personalized little TX license plate for the bike we'll soon get him! We had so much fun putting everything together!
(note to other adoptive parents: our agency allowed us to send everything except for the candy we had included; I'm not sure why they didn't allow the candy)

Along with this, we sent him a Shutterfly photo book in which we shared photos of ourselves, our house, pets, etc., and through words and pictures, attempted to prepare him a little for his new family and home. We would so greatly appreciate your prayers in this area. Please pray that he will understand what is about to take place, and that his little heart and mind will be prepared. It grieves me to think about the emotions he will soon be facing - fear, loss, grief, lack of control... I pray that mixed with these emotions are even the tiniest bits of hope, comfort, warmth, sense of belonging,...

Thank you SO much for your support. We'll keep you posted on any news!

"You are God's Plan for the Orphan"

November is National Adoption Month. Last November, I was thrilled to find out that three major Christian ministries — FamilyLife Today, Focus on the Family, and Steven Curtis Chapman’s ministry, Shaohannah’s Hope — formed an alliance to speak out for orphans and to challenge churches and believers with this message: "You are God's Plan for the Orphan". Their Cry of the Orphan campaign is this year's attempt to do just that.

The following is taken directly from the Cry of the Orphan campaign's website at: www.cryoftheorphan.org

The 2007 Awareness Campaign, Cry of the Orphan, marks the second annual unified campaign to heighten awareness of the plight of the 143 million orphans around the world. The scope of this problem is too big for any one person or organization to solve. In the midst of this crisis, organizations from around the world are joining forces to make a difference. The Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAO) seeks to “motivate and unify the body of Christ to live out God’s mandate to care for the orphan.” With over 75 members, the Christian Alliance for Orphans desires to see “every orphan experiencing God’s unfailing love and knowing Jesus as Savior.”

“[Many Christians] do not realize that caring for orphans is central to our call as God’s people. Churches so rarely talk about this issue. We are to be his hands extended in caring for the orphans just as God himself would. God’s plan for his people has always been for us to represent him to the world."
— Kerry Marks-Hasenbalg, former executive director of the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute

“We have been blessed with so much, yet too often we squander these blessings on our personal pursuits without a thought that God gives us these things to use for his Kingdom. Yet I believe the adoption of orphans is one of the greatest opportunities today for fulfilling the Great Commission. When children are received into families where they are introduced to the Savior, and grow up in a secure and loving environment, they are positioned to meet and experience the living God in a tangible way."
— Dennis Rainey, president and cofounder of FamilyLife

What Does God Have to Say about Orphans?

God is their Father
Psalm 68:5-6a “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” (NIV)

Ephesians 1:3-5 “How we praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we belong to Christ. Long ago, even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave him great pleasure.”

God is their Defender
Psalm 10:14, 17-18 “But you do see the trouble and grief they cause. You take note of it and punish them. The helpless put their trust in you. You are the defender of orphans LORD, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will listen to their cries and comfort them. You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so people can no longer terrify them.”

Proverbs 23:10-11 “Don't steal the land of defenseless orphans by moving the ancient boundary markers, for their Redeemer is strong. He himself will bring their charges against you.”

God's Call to Believers to Care for the Orphan
Deuteronomy 10:17-19 “For the LORD your God is God of gods
and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. He shows love to the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing. And you are to love those who are aliens for you yourselves were aliens in Egypt." (NIV)

Isaiah 1:16-17 “Wash yourselves and be clean! Let me no longer see your evil deeds. Give up your wicked ways. Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the orphan. Fight for the rights of widows.”

James 1:27 “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

How can we argue with or ignore that last one (or any of them...after all, these are God's Words)?!? Understandably, not everyone is in a position to adopt an orphan, but we all are in a position to help in some way. Think of the impact we could have on our society and generations and generations of societies through the changing of the lives of these precious ones. To find out how you can help, go to www.cryoftheorphan.org/

What Now?

I saw the face of Jesus in a little orphan girl.
She was standing in the corner on the other side of the world.
And I heard the voice of Jesus gently whisper to my heart,
"Didn't you say you wanted to find me?
Well here I am, here you are.

"So, What now?
What will you do now that you found Me?
What now?
What will you do with this treasure you've found?
I know I may not look like what you expected,
But if you remember this is right where I said I would be.
You've found me,
What now?"...

What Now?, by Steven Curtis Chapman

(To hear this song, scroll down to the end of this post and press the play button)

Six weeks ago, our family was asked, "What Now?", and since that time, we have been seeking an answer to that question.

On June 20th, our adoption agency posted on their website the faces of 20 "waiting children" in need of their forever homes. Every quarter or so, our agency receives a new list of children from China with special needs, and we (like most adoptive families) always look forward to seeing their sweet faces and watching as they are joined with their forever families.

This day, Brittany, Brant, and I were all at the computer to see this latest group of children. The first ones we saw were adorable baby girls. I perused passed their sweet faces, but then my heart skipped a beat as my eyes caught the face of an older boy in the next row. I clicked on his picture to find out more about him and was greeted by four more pictures of this adorable little guy.

Brittany immediately said, "Oh, Mom. He's so cute. What is his special need?"

Quickly reading aloud his special need and other information, I was interrupted by, "Oh my goodness, Mom! That is just like the book I'm writing...", and Brittany proceeded to tell me all about this book based on our family. This family goes to China to adopt a baby girl and sees an older girl named Hao Shan with this same special need. They decide to adopt both the baby girl and the older special need child.

(China's rules and regulations do not allow me to specify his special need nor post his picture at this time.)

I start to feel myself shaking a little as I read more carefully the very limited information given about him:

This little boy is almost 7 years old...He is lively, energetic and fast! He has a ready smile and likes to play with the other children.

I remember reading this and then looking down at all his sweet pictures. Oh yes, he sure does look "lively, energetic, and fast!", and there is no doubt about that "ready smile". I felt my heart melt for this little guy without a home and family. What Now?

I spent all the free time I had that afternoon and night researching his particular special need, homeschooling/adopting a child with this need, adopting an older child, etc. Late that night, I saw a message on our agency's yahoogroup from someone who was advocating for this little guy, hoping he'd find his family. Another lady responded, saying she had seen him on Harrah's waiting child list back in the fall of 2006. No one adopted him, so his file was sent back to China, who sent it to our agency, giving him another chance at a family.

Armed with this information, I launched a quest to find out more about him from Harrah. I went to a huge adoption yahoogroup and did a search for "Harrah waiting child (special need) boy". The first thing that popped up was a description of a boy named Hao with a special need that sounded very similar to the little guy on our agency's waiting child list. Oh my goodness...Hao?!? Wasn't that the name of the little one in Brittany's story? There was no picture nor birthdate with this new information, but I just knew this was the same little guy.

I noticed "Hao's" special need was more specifically identified in Harrah's information, so I next did a google search for this more specific need. The first site that came up was a world-renowned center for treating children with his condition. This site is extremely informative, and I spent a long time there learning more about his special need, it's treatment, etc. I found out that only a handful of doctors around the country are able to reputably repair his condition, the doctor whose website I was reading being one of those few. After all my reading at this site, I wondered if this doctor would be available to answer any questions we might have, so I clicked "Contact Us". Can you guess where this "world-renowned center" just happens to be? Yep...San Antonio, Texas...a short 7 miles from my house! I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I started to sob. What Now?

O-kay...now I really needed to find out if this "Hao" was the same little guy on our agency's waiting child list. One last google search gave me my answer. I don't remember exactly what I googled, but it was likely something like what I had searched for on the adoption yahoogroup. After sifting through numerous search responses, I found a "Hao" on yet another special needs adoption site. This time "Hao" had a picture attached, and sure enough, the little boy who was capturing my heart was named Hao! His description was much the same as Harrah's description with this added: "We think that a loving and active family with a daddy who likes to play ball would be great for this special little guy!"

The next evening, Max and I went running, and I told him about Hao and about all of the "coincidences". Earlier that day, some fears and "am I crazy" thoughts had started to trickle in, so I was surprised when he really listened and responded positively. After our run, I showed him Hao's pictures, and he asked a lot of questions. He said that he'd be open to reviewing Hao's file, with the understanding that reviewing a file was not a commitment to adopt. So, we submitted a request to review his file, but would have to wait until June 26th (my b-day) to find out if we were selected.

Soon after this, the fears and "what ifs" started streaming in. I began to pray that if this was not God's will, He'd start to close the doors that all seemed to be opening. I asked Him specifically to close the door on our file request if this was not part of His plan for our family or for Hao.

June 26th came, and our agency posted on the yahoogroup that only one family had requested to review Hao's file. Assuming it was us, I got excited at the thought that another door was opening. However, the hours crept slowly and without a call from our agency telling us we would be able to review his file. My heart sank as I read on the yahoogroup that our agency had called all the families that were chosen to review the waiting children's files. Did they lose our request form? Had they never received it? Did I somehow make a mistake when sending it? Who was the one family that submitted a request if not us? Admittedly, I was crushed. I had asked for a closed door, but I found out I wasn't ready for one.

Because it was my birthday, some sweet friends stopped over with gifts. I had already asked both of them for their prayers, and when I gave them a quick update, they both said that they, too, had been praying for open and closed doors. One of them encouraged me by saying that God can reopen a closed door. Shortly after that statement, the phone rang. It was our agency telling me that they were sorry, but in the chaos of the day, they had forgotten to call us to tell us we were selected to review Hao's file!

A few days later, Max and I went on a date and discussed Hao the entire night. We talked about worse case scenarios and agreed that we would be willing to handle any of them. We seemed to have come to a "yes" decision, but out of nowhere, the fears started to flood in.

For the next several weeks, we allowed God's "What Now?" to be drowned out by our "What ifs?" God faithfully continued to hold the door open, but we faithlessly were too fearful to walk through it and wanted to feel total peace before doing so. I was relaying some of these feelings to a friend of mine, when she replied that each of her five adoptions were done out of obedience and "in fear, by faith". Wow...those words spoke clearly to my heart and helped turn my focus off of my "What ifs?" and back onto God's "What Now?"

So...What Now?:
*We have chosen to be obedient to God's obvious leading.
*We will walk through the open doors by faith and not by sight.
*We will trust Him with all of our fears.
*We believe "this is right where (He) said (He) would be" and can't wait to find more of Him through this journey to our new son, Hao!
(Br- name to be announced later)

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